Oh, look, we have two new disorders to worry about. First we had anorexia and bulimia, both of which are actual problems people experience. These two new gems, however, may not be met with the same degree of respect, although orthorexia and Adult Selective Eating are both gaining consideration from JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) and Psychology Today.
Orthorexia is the idea of “correct eating.” People suffering from this “disorder” are consumed with eating natural, organic food, and against putting preservative-type foods in their bodies. Apparently an interest in healthy eating is now a disorder. Interesting approach they are taking, since the media usually spends its time telling us to lay off things like tobacco, alcohol, and snack food, and instead seek out these same natural, organic foods.
The other new disorder is Adult Selective Eating. Those who suffer from it were formerly known as “picky eaters.” We all know those picky eaters: the type of person who makes a scene at the restaurant because they don’t have a particular kind of pasta on the menu. To be honest, these people used to annoy the hell out of me. But now I can feel sorry for them, because I know they are suffering extreme internal torment. They aren’t simply self-indulgent little narcissists who never outgrew their childhood preferences and insist on inflicting their inner two-year-old on all their adult friends. Oh, no. They have a disorder.
Frankly, I’m getting tired of all these disorders that keep popping up all over the place. We need to either stop creating new disorders or let people make up their own. Because the latter would be way more fun, I’ve decided to go with that. I am now diagnosing myself with EATI, pronounced “eatee,” which is medically defined as an Extreme Aversion To Idiots. My symptoms include: flying into a rage every time I come within ten feet of an idiot, verbally raping any idiot who attempts to explain one of their idiot opinions to me, and writing vicious blog posts about how much I hate idiots. I feel I am a sick man and demand financial aid and medical attention from the government. It isn’t my fault I have a low tolerance for stupidity, nor that I was born with the patience of a gnat.
However, since the first step to recovery is always recognition of the problem, I feel I have made good headway. Unfortunately, the second step to recovery is wanting to be healed and I’m not sure I’m there quite yet.
