Cairo, Egypt - Eminent Egyptologist Humphrey H. Humphries has made an amazing discovery on his archaeological dig in northern Egypt. While exhuming yet another dried up dead thing–mummy, as they are referred to in scientific circles–Humphries realized something that had been staring him in the face for the entirety of his career. Namely, that what he was doing was a complete and utter waste of time.

“I began thinking about what I was contributing to the world and I realized that, honestly, the world doesn’t need another dead thi–er, mummy. Neither does it need more broken pottery shards or crappy ancient drawings on sandstone.”

Humphries has been working in his chosen field for almost four decades and this recent revelation hit him hard. “It made me wonder if perhaps I’ve wasted my life,” he said. “Perhaps I should have been an English major or studied medieval weaponry.”

The Egyptian authorities did not take the news of the discovery particularly well and gave Humphries 24 hours to leave the country.

“Mr. Humphries has committed treason,” a government spokesman said. “We realize 24 hours isn’t enough time for him to pack up and vacate, but frankly we’re just looking for an excuse to kill him.”