Sweeter the second time around?

Marie Osmond has remarried her first husband, Stephen Craig, after hiring a national firm that specializes in memory erasure. The company released a statement confirming that the star had contacted them with a request to permanently reset Craig’s memory bank so he would no longer remember anything about the previous relationship.

The operation appears to have been a success, as the couple reunited in a private ceremony in Vegas. Osmond wore her original wedding dress for the occasion, a highly symbolic move that can only be interpreted as a virtual middle finger, the proverbial “gotcha,” to her newly clueless husband. While Craig Hart Online does not endorse this action, which some might term “excessive celebration” or “spiking the football,” we do admire Osmond’s resourcefulness in discovering the secretive, California-based MemBank Company who performed the operation without a hitch.

The operation itself, which the company calls Recollection Extraction, has something of a chequered past and a history of malfunction. One out of every twenty patients experience some sort of change above and beyond memory erasure. Some have an extreme personality shift, a few have become complete idiots, and a couple have even begun having fantasies of varying natures. One famous example of the latter is a politician who had the operation performed and was suddenly under the impression that he was qualified to be President of the United States.

The FDA has not formally endorsed the procedure, but it tends to look the other way, since so many of the clients are affluent and influential people. Politicians are very fond of the procedure, as it allows them to look into the camera and be completely truthful when they say, “I don’t remember doing that.”

In any case, we send our congratulations to Marie Osmond and her new-ish husband, and sincerely hope the operation has a long-term effect.