"I hate you." "That's convenient, as I hate you as well."

Washington, DC – With more budget battles on the horizon, the leadership of both parties are getting testy. We asked House Speaker John Boehner if he would be willing to compromise with Democrats on further budget talks, perhaps trading cuts for a small tax increase.

“Do I look like a socialist?” he asked, pausing for a long drag on his cigarette. “The only thing I’m willing to compromise on is how far my boot will be up the liberals’ ass if they don’t give me what I want.”

Obama was little more receptive to the idea. “I don’t compromise with poopy-heads,” he said. “They’ve been, like, really mean to me, so I don’t see why I should share. What’s the point of being president if I don’t get to do what I want?”

A press release from the Tea Party suggested any compromise by the Republicans would be met with angry rhetoric and several politically charged picnics. “We might even wave some provocative signs around,” it said.

It remains to be seen how much compromising will actually go on at the Capitol, but we can rest assured that by the time it is over, no one will be happy. And that’s the way it should be.