Lady Gaga Becomes Average Citizen, Shocks World


The eccentric pop star, long known for eating Barbie dolls on stage, wearing the most outlandish outfits possible, and chilling in an egg-pod has apparently decided to turn over a new leaf. Appearing on the David Letterman show, Miss Gaga said that she recognized how some of her past behavior could be construed as “unusual” and made a pledge on live television to become “normal.”

Earlier in the show, she had torn up Letterman’s notes for the show and eaten them, claiming to be offended by the questions. This led to an in-depth discussion regarding her destructive behavior, at the end of which Gaga broke down in tears and promised to “turn my life around.”

It didn’t take the star long to act on her resolution. The CHO reporter assigned to her home reported earlier this morning that piles of ridiculous clothing items have appeared on the front lawn, seemingly thrown out the windows during the night. Using a pair of powerful binoculars, our reporter watched as Lady Gaga went to her computer and began online shopping at the Loft, J.C. Penney, and Christopher and Banks.

It is not clear what Lady Gaga intends to wear until her new wardrobe arrives. However, we have our reporter on watch with the binoculars–and telephoto lens–so if it gets “interesting” we’ll be sure to let you know.