Alameda, CA - Disgraced prophet Harold Camping, who failed in his End of the World predictions twice (once in 1994 and again this year on May 21), met his timely end this morning at the hands of his most disgruntled followers. The angry mob rousted the 89-year-old loon from his California home just after 4:00 AM and hauled him kicking and screaming to the Christ Episcopal Church, where they performed a mock trial and found him guilty in a matter of minutes. The appointed judge pronounced the death penalty and the group carried it out with gusto, hanging Camping from the church steeple using an orange industrial extension cord.
Camping was found guilty on several counts, including Deception of the Faithful, Theft of Holy Funds, Wasting God’s Time, and Just Plain Being Stupid. We interviewed a couple of the jurors who agreed to speak on the condition on anonymity. When asked if they felt justified in carrying out what amounted to vigilante justice, they both nodded emphatically.
“Absolutely. There comes a time when it’s time to clean out the gene pool. We realize the old fart was 89, but why take a chance on him spreading more crazy-seed around?”
When the CHO reporter suggested that believing Camping’s claims in the first place might also suggest insanity, the jurors became irate and tried to stab him with a crucifix.
The mob then headed back to Camping’s house to perform a search of his belongings. On the kitchen table, they found a piece of paper that Camping had obviously used to work out his mathematical formula for the Rapture prediction. It appears he had been in the process of reworking the numbers, trying to find the error in the equation.